Chapter One - Final Moments
by starrynightswrites
Summary: Lou and Will share some special yet complicated moments together throughout his last few days.


**CHAPTER ONE – FINAL MOMENTS**

 _ **A/N** – As of right now I'm letting this story develop organically and am in the process of writing the second chapter for you all. So if you like it, let me know and I'll keep going for you. Enjoy!_

Arriving home still completely furious with Will, I did the only thing I could do. I ran home to my parents house, shattered, terrified, unsure of how I could live boldly if I couldn't live with Will by my side. The trip home had been agonising on so many different levels that it was hard to digest the immensity of the situation completely. Will was determined to go to Dignitas and fulfill his one last wish, to die with dignity. However I was convinced that this trip could change his mind, make him see that he had so much to live for even with the medical complications that he faced. I knew I could be there with him, help him through it and make it easier on him and yet, no matter what I tried it didn't seem to work.

That night I didn't speak to Mum, Dad, Grandpa or even Treena. There was nothing to say, nothing to do except stare up at the same four walls that had been my life for so long before Will Traynor came along and completely transformed my life. Time seemed to pass by ever so slowly and yet rather rapidly at the same time. With each passing second Will was closer to being completely gone from this earth, the love of my life was close to not existing at all and the mere thought of that had my eyes welling with tears. Then, the phone rang. The moment I saw Camilla Traynor's number flashing on the vibrant screen my heart leaped up into my throat and I wondered if what I was going to hear was news that would break my already thoroughly broken heart.

"Clark? Are you there?" Will asked from the other end of the line.

"Will?" I asked with utter surprise coating my words before the anger and the fear slipped back into my being.

"Can you come over? I need to talk to you." And just like that I was on my way to Granta House granting Will this simple request as much as I wanted to run and hide and act as though this wasn't happening and that this wouldn't be our last goodbye. I wanted to hold onto the life changing kisses, the way it felt to fall asleep nestled against his side and the way it felt to wake up to see him staring back at me. In those moments in the hotel room listening to the waves crashing against the shore everything had felt right and perfect and like this was how the rest of our lives were meant to play out. However it simply wasn't meant to be.

Upon my arrival at Granta House I was met with Camilla Traynor coming to meet me and explaining that Will had been in a weird state ever since our arrival back home. Walking through to the annex my heart was in my throat, beating loudly and alerting me of the very real fact that my entire being was beginning to shake in response to the anxiety coursing through my veins. There was a lot of things to worry about, a lot to start bracing myself for but in those moments I was clueless as to what Will wanted to see me for. Yet as I pushed the door open and saw him sitting there in the wheelchair I had come to know so well and with hair that looked tousled by sleep and yet still strikingly perfect my breath hitched in my throat.

"Ah Clark, I've been waiting for you." Will said as he looked over with those striking blue eyes, it was though he was seeing straight into my soul, seeing the anguish in my heart and feeling the pain that was radiating off of me. Hesitant and worried I sat down on the edge of the couch fiddling with the hem of my dress, picking at the loose thread in a feeble attempt at distraction. It would be so easy to walk away and never look back but as always there was this invisible tether pulling me back, keeping me attached to him no matter what.

"I need you to come to Dignitas with me. I need you to be the one that's there because dammit Clark I love you and I don't want to spend my last few days without the woman I love by my side. I know you don't think you can go on after this, I can see the anguish in your eyes but please.. please just do this. For me? I need you, Clark." His eyes were pleading, his words soft spoken and it was an entirely different more vulnerable side of Will that I hadn't previously seen. He needed me and it was impossible to say no.

The next few days were spent how they always were, going through our daily routine, watching movies, laughing at each other. Yet there was a saddened overtone to it all, our time was ticking away and I was begging it to stop. Pleading for a little more time to show him that there was so much more left for us, so much more left to give to one another. Deep down I knew I couldn't change his mind, he was a stubborn man set in his ways. On the last day before we were all due to fly out to the place that would ultimately take him away from us all, I said something that I had never dared to say to him before. I dared to dream and share those dreams with him.

"I want to be a fashion designer, maybe create my own shoe line and a special line of bumblebee tights for those so inclined to be a little daring in their fashion sense. Ultimately I want to have a family, a boy and a girl and live on a property where they aren't bound by the city but rather they can go out and explore in the garden. I want a son that has your eyes and your laugh and your smile. And a daughter who has your wit and your zest for life. I know it's nothing but a dream but I just thought you ought to know." My words trailed off and hung in the cool air around us, I could feel him looking at me, thinking, perhaps even reevaluating ever letting me into his life but he had to know. He had to know the things that I was thinking, feeling, dreaming of and wishing I could have.

"I can't give you those children, Louisa. I could never give you the life that you deserve, the life that you should be living. With me you will always be weighed down by this chair, by my own physical limitations." Will's eyes had glazed over, he wasn't there, rather he was in another life, a life where he married the girl before him with those bright hopeful eyes and a determination unlike anyone else he had ever met. In another life he got to be the father of her children, he got to run in the field with them chasing birds and teach his son how to play football and their daughter how to slow dance. They got to read to them each night before bedtime and sit out on the porch together gazing at the stars and wondering what was to come. Then he was brought back to reality by the sound of a sob escaping the girl who had so easily woven her way into his life and captured his heart. "I want to, Clark. I want to give you everything that your heart desires and so much more than that but I also want to be able to run after our children, teach them things, read them stories, chase away monsters, climb into bed with them when they need to be held close during a storm. If I was to be a father I'd want to be able to do those things and so much more. You have to see how unfair on them and you all of this would be." His voice was soft, gentle, pleading with her to see that a life with him permanently in it would never be easy.

Instead what he got in return was a girl so deeply broken that she was struggling to hold it together, struggling to contain the emotions that were eating away at her more and more with each passing second. "They would love you endlessly, Will Traynor. They wouldn't see you as limited, they'd see you as nothing more than their father who loves them and is there for them no matter what. You would be the most incredible father in the world with or without the wheelchair. It breaks my heart to know that I'll never get to see you hold your own child and be the father I know you can be." She wasn't attempting to guilt trip him or even get him to give in and live for her, she was just trying to be honest with him and show him a little more of what went through her mind each time that she looked at him.

That night the pair had spent the evening curled up on the couch together, Will looked so incredibly relaxed on the couch and like he could just jump up and grab them both a drink and yet she knew realistically that wasn't the case for him. Throughout the evening she felt herself relax more and more, despite the gravity of his final few days looming over her head. "I love you, Will Traynor." The words were whispered, almost inaudible and yet there they were, genuine, honest, filled with love and complete adoration for the man who had brought me back to life, changed me in more ways than one. "I love you too, Louisa Clark." His words were just as soft, just as filled with love and emotion that in the beginning I would have sincerely doubted could come from such a stoic man.

It felt like the beginning of the end, like we were saying goodbye to one another, taking those final embraces, those final glances, those final stolen kisses. Every movement, every touch, everything felt so final and there was a part of me that was struggling to cope with it all. When the movie finished we retired to Will's bedroom that I had spent the better part of the last month in most mornings. I'd usually lay with Will reading the daily newspaper with him, it was our little slice of normal in an otherwise chaotic kind of world. That night was entirely different though, we made love, sweet, intimate, passionate, slow, careful. That night felt infinite, like it was never going to end. The soft moans that left our lips echoed through the room like the music that night at the concert hall. I had never felt as connected to anyone else as I did to Will, he was the love of my life and that night as we fell asleep side by side I realised that letting him go was only going to be harder now than what it would have been before. Letting him go and watching on as he took his final breath was going to be the thing that shattered me once and for all. Our six months together had been the most amazing six months of my entire life and they were full of passion, spark, spit fire wit and laughter that had once been lacking. Now it seemed as though just as I had gotten everything I had ever wanted, I was about to lose it all again.


End file.
